Sunday, July 15


I'm sure I'm not alone in doubting myself now and then. I've been thru enough in my 50+ years to write a book of stories, some good, some not as good. But I find in my younger years I was braver than I am now. I took chances, made spontaneous plans, didn't think of the consequences that followed decisions and you know what? It all worked out.

I sit here with all my appendages still intact, a little money stashed away, fully employed and trust me, not worrying about my next meal. Yet now I'm much less of a 'chance taker'. It would be easy to blame it on maturity or wisdom. But if I'm honest, I'd have to admit it's fear. Fear of failing, fear of looking foolish, fear of {fill in the blank}.

My Italian grandparents came to America in the early 1900's. Grandpa R. arrived in 1913 with his brother-in-law and from Ellis Island, headed to western New York where they stayed with family while looking for work. Taking a chance on a new land is hard not knowing the language and with very little money in your pocket but the history of Southern Italy at the time tells me it was a hard life with little food available as the land was not farm-able, jobs were non existent and just surviving was a struggle.  He was brave leaving but under the circumstances, staying wasn't an option.

Not to take anything away from Grandpa R. but in my opinion it was Grandma R. who was completely fearless. Staying behind in Italy for another 18 months on her own waiting (hoping) for word from him, had to be a daily struggle. Adding to the pressure, she was 8 months pregnant with their third child as he leaves. Eventually enough money was sent ahead for their passage. But before she made the 3 day trip by horse and cart from Calabria to Naples, she would bury her oldest daughter, just 3 years old. Boarding that ship, leaving her family and baby behind was fearless. Traveling alone for 17 days with two babies under three years old was fearless.  Starting over in a new country was fearless. 

My fears are incredibly ridiculous. 

I am going to take more chances, write more, start that business I dream of and just live in the moment. What is there to be afraid of? I have the blood of this incredible woman running thru my veins.

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